U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
