At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
