Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
