Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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