My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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