He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
