I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
