you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
