What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
