you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
