Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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