I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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