what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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