Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
