What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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