Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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