I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
