You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
