would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
