i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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