he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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