Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
