As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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