I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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