weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
