the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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