you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
