Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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