Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
