So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
