How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
