Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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