Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
