she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
