Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
