Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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