I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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