Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
