New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do cheetos always look like penises
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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