I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
