Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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