If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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