turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
