Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
