I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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