I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We got so high we made milksteak
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
