His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
