moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
