I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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