Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
