Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
