I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
