Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm passing your future prison.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
