Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
