but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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