I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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