Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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