I'm pants shitting drunk right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize