there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
