I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
