Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
