I haven't been this sober since birth.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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