Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
