I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
