I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im holly from the hills drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
