well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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