Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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