WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
