Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
