Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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