yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
