Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize