I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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