I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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