who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
