4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we have officially lost it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize