I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize