New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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