I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
