it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize