my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
