She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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